Draining…

I’m really good at avoiding my grief. I’m a doer… a crafter… a cleaner… an organizer. Anything that makes me feel accomplished at the end and anything that doesn’t make me feel what I feel when I allow the silence to creep in.

However, this broken drain was, ironically, the one thing that broke me down.

My home is nearly 12 years old. I have been the sole owner and haven’t been the BEST when it comes to details such as this. The toe stopper is broken and that drain in the photo should unscrew.

At first, it was just a challenge to overcome. Something to hide behind so I didn’t have to face my grief. However as the day wore on, the drain wore me down and forced me to get real honest.

I begged the drain to budge. I cried to God for strength (yep, I prayed over the drain to move.) and I received silence. What started as little pleas and a small bit of tears became a flood and the mournful wail of a wife missing her husband. Cold, angry cries out to God screaming: THIS ISN’T FAIR – THIS ISN’T MY JOB and I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO FIX THIS DRAIN. I could no longer hide behind home projects. The flood of heartbreak as I missed my husband overwhelmed me and for a few moments I couldn’t move from the inside of the tub as the sobbing held me down. “Please…,” I begged not really sure at that point what I was asking for.

I finally got up and finished my “good cry” in bed. Once it was over, I was weary and sad but strangely felt better. It had been weeks since I had let go and let God really hear how I was feeling. He knows already but it’s in that confession that I freed myself for that moment.

Let loose.. let go.. let God.

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